


Glimpses

by nathaniel_hp



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-23
Updated: 2008-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-17 00:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/545555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nathaniel_hp/pseuds/nathaniel_hp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The flush of the known universe is in him. ~ Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass<br/>Post-war AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glimpses

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the wonderful shes_gone – for getting me into this trouble – and to my dear James – who was a great help in organising my ideas. Pointers in the right direction were gratefully received from shes_gone, Les Dowich and thrihyrne. Betaed by Zarathustra and Eleandra.  
> Written for the 2008 [](http://ginger-lust.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://ginger-lust.livejournal.com/)**ginger_lust** fest.

Remus had started to look forward to coming back home after his full-moon absences since Ron had started babysitting Teddy. Rather than being worried about Teddy whilst feeling tired and hurting, it felt like coming home. The lights were on, and laughter sounded. Ron was there. He’d take Teddy to bed if Remus was too tired. Ron really was a bigger help than Remus had ever dared imagine.

Ron was quiet. Remus appreciated this. Many things were just beyond words. When Remus got back from his monthly ‘trip’, they shared a bit of companionable silence. Had some Butterbeers, practically no conversation, but it was good that way. After about the third Butterbeer, Ron would get up, mumble something about ‘checking on George’ and Floo to Diagon Alley without so much as a goodbye. Both knew that they would be back in the sitting room, enjoying their Butterbeers in much needed silence and comfort in a month’s time.

Ron had just left. Teddy was upstairs, asleep. Which left Remus sitting on the couch, lost in thought, like he was every time Ron went back to George’s place – well, his and George’s. All things considered, Remus had to say that he was leading an okay life. The war was over. He had a nice little house he called home. Had a wonderful son whom he just adored. If only other things were this simple. Remus had lost his wife and had Teddy to remind him of this loss every day. He loved his son, but sometimes it was just too much to bear, seeing him change his hair colour to vivid purple or shocking pink. He was a constant reminder of what had been and what could have been. He shook his head to get those thoughts out of his head. He was not the only one who had suffered.

Take Ron, for example. He had lost a brother and was now looking after George, who, without Fred, seemed so lost and without purpose. To be honest, most of them had been more than a bit surprised that it had been Ron who took on the task of helping George out at the shop and keeping him company. They had imagined Ron would go off being happy with Hermione, now that the war was over and they had finally realised their feelings for each other. That realisation seemed to have been quite short-lived, however. Ron and Hermione were currently not speaking. No one knew what exactly had happened – just that they did not talk, they did not even see each other unless they met with Harry, which meant meeting with Ginny, as the two of them were closer than ever. The two lovebirds had moved to Grimmauld Place, which had undergone a remarkable change, or so Remus had been told. He had not been there since the incident at the Ministry, and he was not sure he would ever be able to return to the place that his Sirius had hated so much, yet had had to spend the last month of his life cooped up in the dark house, useless and frustrated.

So, all things considered, Ron and he had both been lucky. At least the way luck was now commonly defined.

He yawned. He was still feeling a bit rough after the transformation last night; his arm ached where a fresh cut had been quickly, and inexpertly, healed. And the thoughts … they always wore him out, more than he liked to admit. Especially since he had started to think about Ron, a lot …. He knew where this was going to lead. As much as he wished that he could just follow along, he would never allow it. Not now, not yet … ‘Not yet!’ He snorted. ‘Remus, you really are pathetic, you know that, don’t you?’ He chastised himself for even allowing such musings. He went to bed, knowing full well who was going to visit him in his dreams tonight, anticipating the thrill of the dream as well as the disappointment that would hit when he woke up the next morning. Alone.

*~~~*

 

 

At first, Ron had only come over to look after Teddy once a month – at full moon.  
Then one day, Remus had found Ron sitting on the front step when Teddy and he came back from a visit to Andromeda’s. As usual, they did not exchange a single word. Remus beckoned him inside. They had tea. Afterwards, when Ron had gone upstairs with Teddy, Remus Flooed the Burrow to let the family know that Ron was all right. Molly was frantic, of course. Remus more than ever understood that Ron needed time away from his family. Molly’s overprotectiveness really was too much to bear at times. Remus managed to calm her down. He had always been good at that, during many Order meetings, and she trusted him.

About an hour later, Ron came back downstairs.

“I let your family know that you are here.” He wanted to let Ron know that he was always welcome. If he was perfectly honest with himself, he enjoyed having Ron around, very much so. Ron was far more to him than just his son’s babysitter. If this felt weird to him, how weird must it feel for Ron? Apart from the fact that he was not even sure if Ron was interested in same-sex relationships – ‘Relationship, who are you kidding, Remus?’ he thought. He was fairly certain that Ron would not be interested in a forty-year-old bloke, who had started to go a bit to seed. And there was the small issue of Ron not knowing that he was gay; he imagined that he would be shocked. And no wonder, to Ron and his friends he was Nymphadora’s husband, rather than Padfoot’s lover. Before he could mentally elaborate on his and Ron’s future as a happy couple, he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. As he did whenever they threatened to surface. Which they had done a lot lately.

“You can stay as long as you like,” Remus continued. “How about some dinner?”

“Thanks, Remus, I’d like that.” Ron smiled.

“Wonderful,” Remus said, “I think I have some Thai food left.”

Ron pulled a face but agreed to try it.

They had a nice dinner, after which they continued their conversation in the sitting room. It seemed that once Ron started, he could not stop talking. Remus did not mind one bit. It was comfortable, relaxing and, not to forget, interesting.

He had the best night since … well, the best he’d had in a long time. It reminded him of nights he had spent with Tonks, just talking in front of the fire. They had got along famously, there was no denying that, even if there were a lot of other things that could have been said about their relationship. Remus closed his eyes for a second, willing the thoughts to go away. He had Teddy, that was all that mattered now, and he wouldn’t have him if it hadn’t been for her. Dear Tonks, how he missed her; she had been one of the few friends he’d had in life. Opening his eyes, he refocused on the conversation and smiled when he realised that Ron was still talking about the Cannons.

*~~~*

 

 

He stood at the kitchen window, having just arrived home. He watched them in the garden – his former pupil playing with his son. Ron really was a natural, nothing too unexpected with that family of his. Remus was glad to have him; glad that Teddy got on well with him. It made full moons a lot easier to bear.

Remus absentmindedly started drying the dishes that were left in the rack next to the sink.

His gaze wandered back out the window. Ron was tossing Teddy up in the air, catching him and tickling him. Teddy enjoyed himself immensely, squealing, giggling and drooling on Ron, who did not seem to mind at all. It was a warm day. Teddy was only wearing his nappies, Ron shorts and t-shirt. Knowing that Teddy was extremely ticklish on his belly, Ron lifted him up so that his belly sat on Ron’s head, then started shaking his head. Teddy was out of control, giggling like mad and drooling down Ron’s neck. Ron sat Teddy down with an amused “You little stinker!” wiping his neck with his shirt.

Remus watched the two of them, a small contented smile on his lips. He had to get his camera, this was just too perfect. He quickly went upstairs to his room; he might even get a couple of good shots from up here. Oh yes, perfect!

Ron was standing in the garden, hands on hips, sunlight reflected in his long hair, gazing at nothing with the most beautiful smile on his face, totally lost in thought. Remus zoomed in on his face. Merlin, didn’t he have beautiful eyes, so full of life that they sparkled, yet there was also a just-hidden sadness. He had seen a lot during the war, much more than a young person should ever see; hell, more than anyone should ever see! Remus cursed. It was all so unfair. And yet for some reason, this boy – no, young man, he corrected himself – had retained an innocence and a lust for life that was really quite remarkable. Remus found himself smiling fondly – and took the perfect picture.

He went back down to the kitchen, hoping to be able to take some pictures of Ron and Teddy. They were still unaware of his presence, and he managed to get a couple of lovely shots. He couldn’t wait to have them developed. He also could not stop smiling. Everything seemed so perfect. Ron turned around and noticed him watching. When Ron’s eyes caught his, he dropped his gaze, blushing. ‘Stupid, Remus, stupid! You’re no longer a school boy. Merlin’s beard, you’re old enough to be his father!’ Remus thought angrily. He looked back up, but the garden was now empty.

He heard a noise behind him. When he turned, Ron was leaning in the doorframe, Teddy in his arms. They smiled at each other whilst Teddy tried to grab Ron’s hair.

‘Those red curls, I wish I could ask my son what they feel like. Better still, I want to try myself,’ Remus thought, and immediately gave himself a mental shake. ‘Get real, man!’ Yet he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that was always there whenever Ron was around; at the moment it was growing in intensity. ‘We look like a family,’ Remus thought.

A family … that was all he had ever wanted; to belong, to take care of somebody, to be taken care of .… This desire had made him start a relationship with Nymphadora. He’d had his reservations from the beginning. It had been ludicrous to think that they would ever be truly happy in this relationship. Yet, he had wanted to try; for once, he wanted a chance at having a normal relationship, a normal family; well, as normal as the family of a werewolf would ever be. But it had been worth the try. Or had it? Look where that had got him.

“Are you all right? You must be tired.” Ron’s voice made him focus on his surroundings again. He looked into concerned, very blue eyes and was on the verge of getting lost in them.  
He squeezed his eyes shut for a second and sighed.

“Yes, I am all right, Ron, really I am. How was the weekend? Did Teddy behave?” And stretching his arms out, he addressed his son, “Did you have fun with Ron, darling?”

Ron handed Teddy over to Remus, and together they went back out to sit on the warm grass, relaxing and enjoying the afternoon sun.

*~~~*

 

Ron had fallen asleep on the couch. He looked peaceful and a lot younger than usual. ‘He’s a boy still,’ Remus thought. A sense of protectiveness surged through him, similar, yet completely different to the one he felt when watching Teddy sleep. Yes, completely different.

He was in awe of the young man who, despite hurting from his losses, was for Remus the embodiment of life itself. When he smiled, when his eyes lit up, he was every bit the carefree boy that Remus had known. Remus envied him for his ability to preserve this bit of innocence.

Ron, who had never been known as an emotional guy, had been the most vocal about his grief. He had talked about Tonks, about Colin … about Fred. About his feelings, the emptiness, the nightmares, the sadness that threatened to overwhelm him some days.

He was the one who managed to reach George as together they would reminisce about past pranks; they’d laugh and cry. From what Ron had been telling him, he assumed that Molly in particular had difficulties dealing with such frankness; she preferred to pretend that this had not happened, she seemed to hope that one day Fred would just appear on her doorstep. Poor Molly. It was no wonder that Ron ended up moving in with George. Remus could just imagine them sitting in their flat above the shop, possibly discussing Fred’s and George’s departure from Hogwarts, tears of joy and grief mingling as they recounted old stories.

He quietly sat down across from Ron, so as not to disturb him, and picked up a well-worn book, fingers wandering lightly over a photograph that was used as a bookmark.

*~~~*

 

 

The book fell open at a well-used page; Ron caught a glimpse of the title – I Sing the Body Electric, what did that mean? – before his attention was drawn to the photograph that had fallen out of the book. His breath caught in his throat when he saw himself laughing up. He looked awfully freckly; this must have been taken in summer.

And – he looked happy! His eyes full of life, so unlike his reflection he had taken care to avoid, so unlike how he felt inside. Some days, he just wanted to scream at the injustice of it all; other times he felt like curling up in a little ball and crying. He had cried – a lot. It embarrassed him. In front of his family, more so in front of Harry and Hermione. It was easier when he was here, at Remus’s, with Teddy … and Remus .…

Ron carefully picked up the photo. He felt awkward enough going through Remus’s things, but this was positively bizarre. Even though he knew that Remus would not be back until the following afternoon and Teddy was sleeping upstairs, he quickly glanced over his shoulder to make sure he really was alone. Then looked back at the photo. And at the book – Walt Whitman, whoever he was …. Mind you, Remus had a lot of weird books, a lot of Muggle books, too. A picture of Ron was in a book of Remus’s; obviously one of his favourite books, worn as it was. Why? True enough, Ron came around fairly often, and they got along well.

He knew Remus liked taking photographs; he had boxes of them in his bedroom. Some evenings when Remus had come back, after a couple of Butterbeers, he had fetched a box from upstairs and they would sit on the couch together looking at his photos. There were some old ones, some even from Remus’s schooldays – Harry would love to see some of those pictures, Ron thought. But this photo – he had never seen it. Why would Remus hide it in a book?

Ron was puzzled, to say the least. He couldn’t possibly …? ‘Na, mate, that would just be too weird,’ Ron told himself. From some of Remus’s comments, though, Ron had the vague feeling that there might have been more than just friendship between Remus and Sirius. Not that Ron minded. He thought of several instances at Grimmauld Place in the summer before his fifth year when Remus and Sirius had reminded him of an old married couple. He had thought it was funny, but never gave it further thought. Hadn’t mattered at the time and had slipped his mind after Remus had married Tonks.

But what if … Ron felt more than a bit weird at the thought that Remus could possibly fancy him. He had the sudden image of himself standing in the kitchen, apron and all, miming the perfect housewife. He shuddered. ‘Don’t be stupid,’ he thought. It was not as if Tonks had ever been a housewife, far from it. Thinking about Tonks left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he sighed and willed the thoughts to go away.

He stared back at the photo and felt confused. He wasn’t even sure if this meant anything, but what if … what if Remus did fancy him? That idea, Ron decided, clearly needed some getting used to.

Remus was twenty years his senior, which didn’t really bother Ron per se, at least not as much as the fact that he … well, that he was a bloke. Ron had never thought of boys … men in that way. Fair enough, he had chanced a glance at his fellow Quidditch players more than once, but that was perfectly normal. Wasn’t it?

And it had always been Hermione. ‘And look how well that worked out,’ Ron thought bitterly. But Remus …?

Well, no use getting worked up about something that he didn’t even know was a fact or just his imagination running wild. Ron carefully put the photo back where it belonged and got up to place the book on the shelf. As he slipped the book in its place, his hands lingered on the spine for a moment. He could not help but feel, along with all the confusion that the discovery had brought, a small flutter of excitement ....  



End file.
